Death is always difficult for those left behind, there is no arguing with that. Sudden death can make it so much worse, leaving your loved ones feeling lost and cheated, even traumatized.
With the threat of the virus that seems to be almost annihilating our “normal” lives, an untimely death is a very real possibility. But how do we deal with an untimely or sudden death? How can we cope with emotional trauma?
Speak to a counselor
One of the most important things when dealing with the sudden or unexpected death of someone you love is to talk about it. Better still would be to talk to a trained professional, such as a registered counselor who has experience in grief and trauma counseling.
These professionals have been specially trained to ask all the right questions, the kind that draw you out emotionally. They will quickly pick up on your triggers and work through them with you to help you move towards a place of acceptance.
Keep them close to your heart
Losing someone dear to you suddenly and unexpectedly is an extremely difficult burden to bear. It may ease the pain a little if you place your loved one’s ashes in a beautiful piece of cremation jewelry that you can wear close to your heart.
Memorials.com has plenty of beautiful designs to choose from, like handcrafted pendants made with traces of the ashes embedded inside. You could also place the ashes in a mini urn that you can wear on your wrist, in a ring, or on a chain around your neck. Take a look at the multiple options on the site.
Reach out to others
Try not to spend too much time alone in the early days after your loss, it is better not be alone at a time like this. Make a concerted effort to meet friends for a coffee or invite them to dinner. Encourage your friends to talk about their lives, to tell you about their kids, to share their victories and losses with you.
One of the best ways to shift focus off your own unhappiness is to help someone else through difficult times. You are not in their situation, so you can help by giving them an objective point of view.
Keep to your “normal” routine
If you have children and you are used to a daily routine, stick to it as closely as possible. This will help you to feel more in touch with your old life while you go about trying to find your “new normal.”
This normalcy is also very important for the children, as routine, structure and “sameness” offer a sense of security, even though the bottom has just fallen out of the world you knew.
Find fun and interactive ways to engage with your kids so that you can monitor their emotional wellbeing too. Keep an eye on any signs of psychological distress in case more counseling is needed.
Get involved in something different and new
Join a pottery class, take a creative writing class, take up quilting, learn a new language. In as much as sameness is important, it also helps if you start learning a new skill to help you cope with your loss. It will bring new people into your life – people who don’t necessarily know you just lost someone.
Whatever new skill you acquire, dedicate it to your lost loved one. If you write a poem, dedicate it to them. If you make a beautiful vase, inscribe their name on the underside. Whatever you do, choose something you will enjoy, then invest your pent-up energy in it – it could be cathartic.